Monthly Archives: April, 2015

Today I was supposed to go Drinking but I wore myself out being a dork first

So this blog went fierce idle for a fierce long time.  Here are a list of reasons why that happened:

1. I moved country and things got very busy in that new country

2. I was getting more and more anxious which was paralysing my writing work

3. By the time I was ready to come back my anxiety was too bad for me to write

4. I also got a Tumblr and… well, stuff got pretty hectic all up over there.

But I’m back now, officially reviving Bank Holiday Tuesday as a blog and a place where I post my thoughts, write stuff and tell you all things that are funny.  It’s strange to revive this blog; I’ve actually been up to rather a lot of stuff since I’ve been away.  When I was last writing here I was in a very different place and just in my first few months of Aberystwyth.  It’s now nearly a year since I moved home for my final year in University in Ireland and I’m making plans to go back to Aberystywyth and take up a job there.  I also finally got some much needed help for my anxiety problem.  It got pretty bad and dark there for a while and I’m quite stressed with college but medication and lots of support is keeping me stable.

So with all that said, here’s a return blog post, all about how I was supposed to go drinkin’ tonight but got distracted with dorky things.  Enjoy!

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Today I was supposed to go drinking.

But then I got up late, like super late.  My house was empty- older brother moved out last week, younger brother in work, Dad in work, Mam on a trip to Belfast.  So I slept late, sue me people who insist that only getting up before 9AM on a freaking Saturday makes you productive.  I got determined to do something positive with my day so I cleaned up my room.  Like I didn’t just tidy up, man fuck no I pulled all the dusty crap off my shelves and dusted this place the fuck down.  Got a big old basin of hot water and went to TOWN.  It was AWESOME.

PUNCH THE WINDOWS CLEAN

It was REALLY FREAKING INTENSE OKAY

So I cleaned my mirror, my window, got all my little ornaments cleaned and I even threw out a completely destroyed jewellery box I’ve been using since the age of nine.  It was really weirdly satisfying to see all this dust that I couldn’t even comprehend getting started on shift underneath my cloth.  I was a badass spring cleaning superhero in a floral dress, scrubbing down windowsills and tossing out basins of dirty soapy water.

After that I got down to getting Pathfinder ready.  I run a Dungeons and Dragons game for three of my friends and I’m just now getting the hang of running well planned, smoothly organised sessions.  I had lots of notes and ideas and they had great fun.  We went for three hours and I was flying so high.  We were all supposed to be going out drinking after we’d finished up killing some cultists that were chasing them down on a canal barge (I run a weird game).  Once the game was over though I knew I couldn’t go out.  It was like my energy bar had reached zero.  My sub tanks were drained.  I was so done.  The girls went off for a fun night of drinks and dancing, I stayed in and managed to drag myself up the stairs to get ready for bed, whereupon I found I couldn’t sleep, despite feeling so tired.  It’s an emotional tiredness; like I’ve had my dose of doing stuff for today, now I need to zone out to podcasts for a few hours, thnx.

Sometimes I forget that I’m on medication.  Sure it’s a low dose and I’m generally functional, but I can’t really grind along the way I used to, eating badly, sleeping badly and running the tank on empty.  I need to sleep twice as long to have half the energy and lord help me if I’m not eating well, like I’m not right now.  I go from being pretty productive- seeing people,  keeping myself clean and fed, getting work done- to just barely functioning on impulse power.  Today was a pretty nice realisation that it’s okay to wear down the limited energy I have to get stuff done.  My room smells fresh and clean for the first time in ages with all the dust that had built up cleared.  The party had a good session and managed to escape with their unconscious prisoner on the back of their horse (yeah it’s a weird game, Pathfinder).  I even managed to tuck up and get some work on my zine done.  And heck, here’s a blog post too!  Wow we are killing it tonight.

Always a relevant Gif

Always a relevant Gif

So I guess the point of this post is don’t be hard on yourself if, like me, you’ve got a lot of stuff going on in your life.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.  You’re doing okay, it’s alright to do stuff at your pace.  Not going Drinkin’ is not a sign of failure.

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Niamh ‘Sorry for missing your birthday drinks Ciara’ Keoghan