Thought of the early morning

I have spent all night figuring out wordpress, getting a theme that doesn’t look like a bag of smashed ass and preparing 2 WHOLE POSTS to be published AUTOMATICALLY next week.  I love living in the future ^.^ . while I’m on my writerly buzz, here’s a final thought

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SONG WITH THEMATIC LINK TO THIS POST (That also happens to be my personal theme song)

Going back to your old school is like going to a party that your ex is also going to. I have to decide what outfit is going to make me look the most like a well rounded interesting young woman studying interesting things with hobbies like debating, acting and being a fucking badass. Trying to find a pretty dress that says all this is a nightmare.

I was supposed to go to a show in my old school last night.  I was all rared up for going- Fuck yeah, see my old teachers do funny shit, let everyone know what a fucking legend I am now, etc etc.  It was only a migraine that floored me and made me rethink going.  In the end I bowed out, and I had a think about what I actually wanted to do going to sit in that old hall, see the familiar and not so familiar faces and all that.

And then I remembered how much I wanted out of the place by the end of sixth year.  I mean, I wasn’t unhappy for all of my time there- Just a huge amount of it.  I made some good friends but I also had to deal with some of the worst people.  I was glad to see the back of the place for good 2 years ago and I’m a bit annoyed that I’d instantly jump at the opputunity to go back just to go ‘Ha! Yes, I got into College, yes I am successful and happy and well adjusted no thanks to ye!’.  How petty is that?  Do I really need their permission to go around being badass?  It’s an awfully hollow sort of feeling, really.

I think I’ve done pretty well for myself in casting off any evidence of my education there.  In two years I’ve gone from a pretty faithful Catholic schoolgirl with an exclusively female social circle made up entirely of friends from school, to an atheist college student bass playing liberal young woman… thing, with a pretty even spread of male and female friends.  I think the first thing to go was the faith- It was feeble enough to begin with but when my grandmother went down with a stroke that didn’t kill her but let her live on in agony for 18 months any faith I had in the church remaining was killed stone dead.   The male friends and friends beyond school just sort of accumulated happily through the summer of 2010; I collected them up like I did pogs in the summer of 1998, it was brilliant.

I’ve trundled along nicely for the last two years pretty well without the place.  I don’t have to prove anything to them anymore.

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Niamh ‘Once a Catholic’ Keoghan

 

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